Back in 2017, almost three years ago to the day, I knew things were not going well in my relationship. We were fighting a lot, things were escalating, and in all honesty it was a mess. And I was right. Just over a month later, me and my partner broke up. To be specific, he dumped me. Three years later I realize that this was the best thing he could have done. At the time, I was devastated. It was the week before Valentines day, I’d booked to fly and see him (which he did pay me back for, thankfully), and I was heartbroken.
But, I’m still standing 3 years later.
In some ways, these breakups are easier than regular ones. You don’t have to see them ever again. You’re not as confronted with them on any sort of basis, regular or otherwise. The only negative is social media, but there is less guilt in blocking them out of your life.
Here are my top tips, as someone who went through it and came out of the other end:
- Block them. Do it and do it now. Don’t feel guilty, don’t think about it. Just do it. Even if you want them back, you’ve broken up for a reason. You’re reading this for a reason. If you’re not going to block them, at least mute them. Facebook has a handy feature where when you change your relationship status you can take a break from them. Do it. Get them out of your life in a way that you are comfortable with.
- Remember, they are people too. Even though you may be so angry, and so upset, and want to do this that and the other to their stuff, don’t. If you have anything of theirs that they will probably want back, bag it up. Get a friend to communicate with the person on how they want it back. They may have some of your stuff, so treat it how you want your things to be treated. Don’t be a twat to them for the sake of being one. Be the bigger person, as you don’t want anyone to have anything negative to say about you.
- Write everything down. As in, everything you’re feeling. Get it all out onto a piece of paper. Every feeling, every emotion. Then put it in an envelope. And either keep it, burn it or rip it up. Do not send it to them. But honestly, this is the easiest way to clarify your feelings.
- Time heals all. As lame as it sounds, it does. As much as you’re hurting right now, it honestly does get better. Don’t get angry at yourself for how slow the moving on process is going, nor should you get angry at still thinking about them or feeling anything to them. They were a big part of your life, so recognize that.
Honestly, although that month was horrible, and I spent a lot of it crying. It gave me some good things. I reconnected with a lot of people, I made stronger friendships. It will get better. It hurts, and it hurts like a bitch. But in a breakup, the best thing that you can have is distance, so at least you have that.
Good luck,
-E x
Middle Distance Relationships 