Retroactive jealousy, if you suffer from it, well I’m sorry. It’s awful. I’ve suffered from it for the past six years, and it is the WORST. In my experience, it doesn’t feel like it will ever go away. But then with long distance there is the added emotional and physical distance that prevents the comforting that you may need from happening.
What it is, is basically having an unhealthy interest in your partner’s past. Whether it be someone they fancied, or someone that they had a ten year relationship with, it is you trying to find out too much about it and obsess over it. It’s technically a subsection of OCD, or Pure O.
Honestly, it just sucks. There is very little that your partner can say to make things better. Often times, at least my experience, they may make it worse because they say things that (although comforting), give you more of an insight into their past relationships. Which is the last thing that you need to hear.
With RJ, information is a weapon that is used by your brain. In my experience, a small fact will rattle round your brain until the emotional pain is almost unbearable. My main bit of advice, if you get anything from this blog post, is that you need to make sure that you put in your boundaries. There are things that you need to know and things you don’t. And if you suspect you suffer from this, and are getting into a relationship, do not let yourself look at any social media. Don’t do it. Otherwise those pictures will be in your mind forever.
I don’t know why I have RJ. I know it could be due to my insecurities and general lack of self confidence. I have wasted so much time on it. But being in an LDR makes it so much worse. Because sometimes all you need is someone to just look at you and tell you what you need to hear. Something to stop you spiralling. The distance gives you more time to look at stuff. There isn’t as much guilt.
I don’t really have any extreme advice. I just want you to know that you’re not alone. It’s horrible and you don’t deserve this. And RJ is not your fault. But you can do some preventative measures.
We’re in this together.
-E x
Middle Distance Relationships 